


His Smile

by Tibbins



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-20
Updated: 2013-07-20
Packaged: 2017-12-20 19:20:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/890915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tibbins/pseuds/Tibbins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin is gone from his room ... Again. Where does he go? And why doesn't he smile anymore? Set a month or so after 'Lady of the Lake' Please read. Hope you enjoy :P Merlin/Arthur</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm posting a short multi-chap fic because of the awesome response I got for the one shot 'Lies' that I posted.   
> There may be a slight break between chapters so forgive me :P  
> Thoughts are marked with -these-  
> Enjoy ^.^

Merlin's chambers were empty.

Of course they were empty! Whenever Gaius called his dogsbody down for dinner and received no answer it was proof that Merlin had gone on another dangerous and most likely deadly quest with Arthur.

The odd thing was; that Arthur was at the door, enquiring about his absent manservant.

'Where could he have gone?' the prince exclaimed, clearly irritated. 'My armour needs polishing!'

But underneath the annoyance of having to wear less than shining chain mail for training, was a twinge of worry. What had the idiot gotten himself into now?

Gaius was furious with himself and with Merlin. His leech tank needed cleaning again, something that he had made up an especially nice dinner of fish pie for, as an apology for asking.

He was getting old. How could he not have noticed Merlin leaving? He could have sworn he had been in there all day.

How very odd.

'I'm sure he'll be back in good time' said the old physician cajolingly to his prince, whose brow was now furrowed with anxiety.

'Well when he does tell him that he needs to get polishing … oh, and to muck out the stables too.' Arthur finished with a grin. There must be a perfectly normal explanation for Merlin's absence. Nothing unusual had happened in a while, which was, perhaps unusual in itself, but no friend was in grave danger and the kingdom was safe.

-Must just be out for a very ill timed walk … that's all- Arthur thought as he left Gaius' quarters.

Meanwhile, out in the dark forest, in a clearing, by a lake, the lake, the warlock called Merlin howled with pain and grief.

Losing Freya had been the hardest blow of his life to date. He can still recall her face, the texture of her hair, the feel of her lips on his. Then abject misery overcame him and he howled again, remembering her howl, as beauty and as beast, both were heart stoppingly agonising.

The remains of that purple dress, once Morgana's, was now scattered across the lake, perhaps most of her was already gone, been drunk or splashed around by wild game and other creatures of the wood. How many people had found this place? And out of them who could guess what had taken place here? Only one. The one who now shuddered with sobs, sitting by the lakes side, rocking himself slightly to feel once again the comfort that had been lost to him since that night.

He had changed since then, but no one had noticed. He still put on a goofy smile, still did his duties, and still back chatted Arthur. But he was different now, he was not so quick to smile and laugh, not as carefree and naïve as he had once been. This brought on jokes from everyone about him being dim and slow. But he did not care, did not listen half the time. This was where he wanted to be, this was the place he had changed. This was the place that had broken him.

And sometimes, like now, it was only the thought of his destiny that kept him going; only his closeness with Arthur that stopped him from leaving.

Merlin knew with a heavy heart that it wasn't only his magic that he was concealing from the prince, but his love as well.

Freya had been his first love of course and he still missed her dearly. But she was only part of the reason that he was here by this lake instead of enjoying fish pie with Gaius.

Now that Merlin had felt love; that most wonderful and most terrible of all emotions, he could see what he had been too scared to notice before. His love for Arthur was not merely friendship.

He had not told anyone, and no one could have guessed the way Merlin complained about him so much.

Merlin knew that these thoughts were ridiculous. He and Arthur were friends, possibly the best of friends, but nothing more. There was Arthur's position for a start; a prince could hardly be seen with his servant in that way, the look on Uthers' face would be comical … before he had Merlin hanged of course.

No.

He would have to stay as he was; alone and quietly in love as he went about his daily duties for the very man who had stolen his heart.

Sometimes, very occasionally, when he had a free moment, he would sit and think about what might have been, had everything been different. According to Gaius he sometimes got a 'more imbecilic than usual' smile on his face. But that was nothing compared to Arthur's smile, whether sarcastic or genuine it was beautiful. It radiated happiness and contentment and joy and Merlin thought that it was perhaps his favourite feature of Arthur, externally of course.

Some days, like this one, when he missed Freya more than ever and felt like he couldn't cope, Merlin lived for that smile. And he knew that if nothing else, Arthur's smile would keep him going.

Despite the fact that he desired nothing more in the whole world to cast off his destiny and join his Lady at last.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is gone from his room ... Again. Where does he go? And why doesn't he smile anymore? Set a month or so after 'Lady of the Lake' Please read. Hope you enjoy :P Merlin/Arthur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's chapter two of this fic :)  
> One more to go :)  
> Enjoy ^.^

Merlin was still missing.

Damn him. The prince swore as he surveyed his chamber. His very untidy chamber, it was obvious that no one had been in there to clean.

Arthur sighed as he thought of his manservant. What if he'd gotten himself into trouble? It certainly wasn't the first time he'd gone somewhere and returned with his idiotic smile; the smile, Arthur noticed; that wasn't always genuine. Merlin has been a lot less bumbling lately, and a lot less talkative, and although this was a lot less annoying, the thought of Merlin hiding something from him made him frown. Because Merlin was hiding something; of that he was certain, he just didn't know what.

Arthur knew that Princes didn't tend to befriend their servants, they certainly didn't become as close as he and Merlin had. But how could they not have done? What with everything they had been through how could they not have been drawn together? On this nameless path, following in an unknown and perilous destiny that somehow led to him becoming King of Camelot.

With an absent servant and no idle prattle to distract him from his musings, he decided to go on a hunt. He wouldn't go very far into the wood, for although he wasn't afraid of the dangerous beasts that dwelled there, it felt wrong without Merlin, for although he would never admit it, and although Merlin was the worst coward he knew, he felt safer with his manservant than with anyone else.

'I guess he's lucky' Arthur chuckled to himself, and it was absurd but true, with Merlin around, (usually cowering behind a tree) an amazing amount of luck befell him in battles, branches fell and fog appeared and his foes always ended up dropping their weapons and failing the fight.

Although Arthur was dependent on his servants for a lot of things, he did know how to saddle and mount a horse by himself, so he did, and he rode into the nearby woods. He went a little ways into the dense foliage before dismounting and tying his horse to a tree, he didn't want the steed to get frightened and bolt.

Creeping in his mail was difficult, but over the years he had mastered stealth, moving silently between the trees, and bow in hand he searched for any other living creatures, dangerous or otherwise, but found none.

Eventually, with no other encounters, his thoughts drifted once again to Merlin.

There was something about him, Arthur concluded, something that made him different, and it wasn't just the luck.

It was him, who he was, Merlin the idiotic dolt who couldn't fight to save his life but would go out of his way to help him. He had never needed to drink that poison, or to push him out of the way of that flying knife, back when they had very first met. But he had, he might be stupid and cowardly but he was brave and kind and compassionate, and it seemed that he would stop at nothing for his friends.

In his musings, the Prince had been walking absent mindedly, journeying deeper into the forest than he had intended, looking around, he wondered if he was lost, but somehow this place looked familiar to him, the trees were thinner although he could not be near the end so soon.

Suddenly, a wail filled the air, inhuman and primal, but not vicious, nevertheless Arthur raised his bow nervously, and inched his way towards the light behind the large oak directly in front of him.

He gasped, the trees gave way to a huge clearing, a small, grey, rocky shore leading smoothly into beautifully clear rippling waters of a fantastic lake, the snow capped mountains seemed to surround it, made it look like a haven.

Another low moan jerked Arthur out of his wondering gaze and drew his eyes to a huddle of brown, right by the waters edge.

Merlin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think?  
> Please let me know :) all feedback is welcome :D  
> Love Tibbins xx


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin is gone from his room ... Again. Where does he go? And why doesn't he smile anymore? Set a month or so after 'Lady of the Lake' Please read. Hope you enjoy :P Merlin/Arthur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter :)  
> Enjoy ^.^

Arthur was dithering as he looked, grossly fascinated by his manservant.

He was just kneeling there, rocking slightly, his back was stooped like an old mans and his hands covered his face, but it was obvious, when he whimpered again, that he was sobbing his heart out.

Arthur's own heart twitched, he felt as if he was intruding on something private, yet, he wanted to comfort his manservant. He knew that something had been off with him lately, he wasn't as quick with annoying yet surprisingly witty comments, and he was never late anymore. Well. Hardly ever.

And here he was, pouring his soul out through salty tears.

What kind of a Prince was Arthur? Letting one of his subjects become so miserable right under his nose and surpassing it as a mere cold or something.

But more to the point, what kind of friend was he? To ignore his manservant, his best friend no less, as he silently cried for help and love.

As he stood there, indecisive and unsure, another great sob came from the pitiful heap on the rocky ground, making his shoulders shake.

As Prince, Arthur had seen many suffering people; he'd seen the strongest men cry over lost wives and children. But never, in his whole life, had he seen such an outpouring of complete and utter grief that he was witnessing form Merlin.

His heart swelled with pity and … and something else that he wasn't entirely sure of yet.

XXXXXXXXX

Merlin jerked up suddenly at the very clichéd sound of a twig snapping, he froze, not knowing what to do, if it was a person, then he didn't want anyone to see him like this, if not … then once again trouble had found him when he hadn't been looking for it, slowly debating the pros and cons of his actions he finally gave in to curiosity and turned slowly around.

And his jaw dropped.

Arthur was standing awkwardly at the tree line, looking highly uncomfortable, so much so in fact that Merlin actually allowed himself a small smile.

Arthur half wanted the floor to swallow him whole, and, let's be honest, in Camelot, stranger things had happened, Merlin looked terrible. His eyes were red, ringed in dark circles, tear tracks glistened on his cheeks, his skin was pale and even his dark hair and ghostly smile looked almost transparent. But it was his eyes that captivated him, that drew him towards the waters edge, when Merlin spoke however, his voice was attempting a light and jovial tone, as if that look of intense pain and grief in the sea green irises was all a joke, but it cracked in strange places which gave away the truth

'Hello dollop head.'

Arthur didn't laugh; instead he put a hand on his friend's shoulder

'Are you alright?' he asked gruffly as he sat down next to Merlin. Prince Arthur may be the best swordsman in the kingdom, but he wasn't very creative when it came to people.

Merlin nodded, turning his gaze to the shimmering water,

'Of course I'm alright' he muttered, a slight anger laced his voice but it was outweighed by the sadness 'I'm always alright' a new tear built up in his left eye and Merlin pressed his lips together tightly and sniffed as it fell, he expected to feel it slide down his face before dripping off his chin to join the ebb and flow of the tide.

Instead, he felt something else on his cheek, intercepting the tears' path.

Arthur had lain his ungloved hand on Merlin's face, stroking the tear away gently

'It's ok' he muttered softly 'to talk to me'

Merlin closed his eyes, he wanted to grab that hand, he wanted to pull Arthur close and …

He just shrugged, refusing to look at his Prince.

'What's wrong?'

There was none of the usual snarkyness in his voice, it was gentle and kind, and his words wrapped around Merlin, warming him with the thought that he cared enough to ask.

But with the pleasure came the pain, the pain of knowing that he could never tell Arthur what he had just felt, what he had felt for a long time.

'You know Clotpole?' he said instead, 'sometimes it's better not to know'

Arthur was now sufficiently intrigued, and he repressed a sigh at his manservant's usual unhelpfulness.

'But now I have to know Merlin' he teased lightly 'you can't say something like that and not elaborate'

'That's a big word for you Arthur; you spend an hour with a book this morning?'

His voice was still heavy with repressed emotion but at least Merlin hadn't lost his prattling nature, the thought made him smile.

'careful Merlin, or I'll have you in the stocks' he winked and pushed the younger man playfully on the arm, Merlin responded in kind and thus began the epic ~ if a bit short, ~ tickle fight.

Arthur may be a Prince, and a man, and definitely too old for such things but he had always been a prince, he had never had a proper childhood, but with Merlin it was easy to let go and just be a young boy again, Arthur knew that he would never tell and it was a nice, rare moment of pure fun.

Somehow, Merlin, being the weaker mortal, ended up lying flat on the grey rocks. Nothing like a tickle fight to cheer you up, suddenly, nothing seemed that bad anymore, he had seen Arthur's wild grin during the mini battle,

That smile.

Now, not even the bargain he had struck could dim his own goofy smile.

'Arthur' he began, turning his head to see said Arthur lying beside him,

Upon hearing his name, Arthur propped himself up on his elbow, ignoring the discomfort of this on the small stones.

'Hmm?' he asked as he reached out to brush a fly out of the young warlock's hair.

A jolt of pure electricity shot through them both at this casual touch, causing them to freeze and stare at each other in astonishment

Merlin's skin had paled even more, his colours appearing washed out, except the eyes, still jewel bright, almost feverish, Arthur's breathing quickened as he assessed the look, that feeling he felt before, he could put a name to it now, Love.

They had been denying themselves for so long, but now, by this secluded lake, they were momentarily free.

Merlin's eyes briefly widened as the Prince leaned towards him, then Arthur's hands cupped his face and Merlin's lips parted in anticipation as they joined with his, it was brief; an assessment of whether or not to continue, whether it was right. And it was, it was so right, and so gentle and passionate, all feeling went into that kiss, it was soft, and so, so sweet.

As they pulled apart reluctantly, breathing into each others mouths, loving the closeness, loving the feeling, Merlin suddenly started shaking,

Concern filled Arthur and he leapt across, grabbing Merlin's shoulders and saying his name, after a few seconds, the shaking stopped

'It's started' Merlin gasped, before bringing Arthur's lips to his greedily, almost forcefully, and Arthur didn't complain, they both relaxed into it, pouring every feeling they had ever known into it, love, hate, compassion, kindness, pain, fear and hope, it burned inside them, Arthur's arms encircled Merlin's waist, holding him tightly to him, Merlin's arms were locked around Arthur's neck, and they were one, joined together through love, everything else forgotten, nothing could rob them of this moment, nothing at all.

Except … Merlin was getting paler, his caresses weaker, Arthur was struggling to hold on to him

'Wh … What's happening?' he cried desperately.

Merlin smiled sadly. That smile

'I'm leaving Arthur'

'What?' he exclaimed

'There was a prophecy, and this changes everything. I would live in Camelot, provided you didn't love me, but if that feeling was ever returned' he stopped, looking hesitant 'Then I would … well … die I guess.'

'But … why?' Arthur was incredulous, honestly Merlin was so stupid! He couldn't leave now; even the red neckerchief was paling.

'Because we couldn't risk it; I couldn't risk it, this would question your right to be King! And you must be King Arthur, you must.' He glanced around nervously, biting his lip at Arthur's horror stricken face, looking like he wanted to cry, he tried to touch Arthur's cheek, but his hand couldn't quite make contact with the skin.

'I'm sorry Clotpole'

Then, with a brilliant, radiant, dazzling, wild, joyous smile that made Arthur feel that all was well with the world, and with Merlin,

He was gone.

But although Arthur looked on with a terrible sadness at losing his love, there was no grief, because with a smile like that, Arthur knew that Merlin must be happy now. That smile, so goofy, so reckless, so unfailingly kind, witty, funny and compassionate, was one of a kind, no doubt about it, there could never be another one, because that was Merlin's smile for only Arthur.

His smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think? Please don't kill me O.O  
> All feedback is welcome ^.^  
> Love Tibbins xx

**Author's Note:**

> So what do you think?  
> Comments are love ^.^ please let me know  
> Love Tibbins xx


End file.
